Life Changes

I am amazed how much my life has changed over the past year. I have heard that having a baby changes everything, and that is RIGHT! I absolutely LOVE being a mommy ... it has really brought meaning to my life. I am responsible for this little man and his life.

Eric and I find ourselves just staring at Charlie watching him sleep or just look around the room. You can't help but wonder, "what his he thinking?" As each day passes, I find myself with mixed emotions. On one hand, I want him to stay small and a tiny little baby forever, but then on the other, I want him to grow and respond to me. I love when he looks at me with his big, blue eyes and just lets out the biggest grin. It is enough to melt my heart!!

So many things have been put into perspective for me since Charlie's birth. I have come to the realization that I need to slow down and enjoy life a little more. Basketball is not everything and things at work can wait until tomorrow. I know that I am young and can go-go-go, but sometimes it is better to sit back and just relax. There is no reason to stress over little things ... it is just not worth it.

I am starting to "fret" over is the idea of going back to work full time. I have really enjoyed being him with Charlie since his birth. I am apart of his life and know what is going on at all times - I love that I am the one that can calm/soothe him. Going back to work is just around the corner (Aug. 5) and I am just not sure if I am ready for it. Charlie will be going to an in-home day care just miles from my office, but still, I will miss out on so much I feel. I really do enjoy my job and love having the income to live the life we enjoy, but I can't help but feel guilty that I am putting him off on someone else to do "my thing." I know that women do it everyday and that it is a normal thing, it is just hard to think that I will have to leave him. I may have to have Eric take him the first few days and I am beginning to think that I will be a mess. (Heck, I cried when I had to leave my dog for the first time!!)

I am not sure what is causing these feelings, I just feel like my time with him is so precious. It is so hard to explain ... I just feel like I have changed so much. It doesn't upset me, just scares me as it has opened my eyes to a whole other side of life. As each day passes, I realize that I will never get these days back. As I told Eric, we have gone through so much in life already -- college, wedding, first pregnancy, etc .... there is so much that has already passed. I really want to make sure and embrace all that still lies ahead!!